In my blossoming career as an occupational therapist, I've had the opportunity to present at many meetings, especially CPSE meetings (I work with a birth-five population). My part at most of the meetings is pretty well-scripted. I write the report for the school district 2-3 months before the meeting, assess levels of functioning compared to expected levels and averages of same age peers, and write goals for the next school year. The day of the meeting, I write myself a quick cheat sheet that summarizes my report in bullet points. When it's my turn to speak, all I have to do is read off those bullet points and ask for services in the frequency/duration/location I believe is most appropriate. I've done this many times before, and usually have 8-10 preschoolers on my caseload, so chances are I'll be reporting at a similar meeting later on in that month.
For many of the parents I work with, this is the first of many school district meetings, and they don't know what to expect. The parent does not have a script to follow, and generally does this once a year, not 10+ times per year. Lots of parents just say their required bit at the beginning of the meeting and then go along with whatever the therapists and teachers recommend. After all, they know best, right?
Wrong. You know your child best. I see your kid one or two hours a week in a controlled setting. You see your kid every day, dealing with so many different settings and circumstances. I may have a sense of your child's personality, but you know your kid better than anyone else. You know what makes them happy and grumpy and frustrated and sad. I may know her favorite Disney Princess, but you put the movie in for her every day, play pretend with her princess dolls, and tuck her into her princess sheets every night. Don't underestimate what you know about your kid.
Now, I don't mean to belittle therapists and teachers. We studied for a long time to get Bachelor's, Master's, and Doctorate degrees in some cases. We have very worthwhile input. But the difference is clear. We are experts at child development. You are the expert on your kid.
Please advocate for what you believe your kid needs throughout their schooling. Ultimately, you will be the only consistent member of your child's educational team. Therapists will change. Teachers will change. Chairs of committees will change. You are the consistent leader of your child's educational team. You set the tone.
A personal anecdote to drive this point home, let's look at how my mother advocated for me. I did not have an IEP as a child. I was a voracious reader, and my brain was always going in a thousand different directions at the same time. I was scatterbrained, inattentive, and somewhat impulsive. I would climb a tree without a plan of how to get down. I had some minor sensory issues, and I was terrible at paying attention to tasks that weren't challenging for me.
My mom supported me in so many ways. Instead of concentrating on the traits I had that might hold me back, she turned them into strengths! She didn't yell at me when she found me wedged between the couch cushions or perched way up in a tree. She shook her head and smiled when I took some electronic thing apart or refused to wear socks or anything with frills. And she kept me busy. We took trips near and far, we went hiking and biking, we took weekly trips to the library. She enrolled me in soccer, and let me try both the cello and the clarinet (although I quickly gave up on both). She encouraged me to learn about whatever I wanted, as long as I kept up with my school work.
My dad too. He coached my soccer teams, taught me how to play football and tennis and how to cook simple dishes. Once I was old enough, he took me mountain biking. He took me out to restaurants to try exotic foods. He gave me outlets for all that energy.
When it was time for me to go to school, my mother talked with all my teachers about me. She told them to keep me busy, and to let me work ahead if possible. She picked teachers who she knew could challenge and engage me. And she always let me bring a book to school.
With this simple advocacy and relationship-building with my teachers, my mom ensured that I would not fall through the cracks, and set a precedent for my entire educational career. She made it clear to me that I could work ahead, seek out work that was challenging for me, and read every book that I wanted to, as long as I did my school work. She challenged me to get good grades and take the most advanced classes, because she saw early on what I was capable of.
It is because of the support of my parents that I am here in this position today. Thanks to the precedent they set early on, I continued to be a student-athlete until high school. I joined clubs and took most of the advanced classes that were offered. I won my family's summer reading contest every year until I went off to college. And I took so many advanced classes that I skipped a year of college and got my Master's degree in four years. Now I have a job that I love going to every day. And I absolutely would not have been able to do all of that without the support and advocacy of my parents.
Summary of this long winded rant? Form working relationships with you child's teachers and therapists. Ask lots of questions, and get involved when you can. And don't ever let anyone stop you from advocating for your kid, even at those nerve-wracking IEP meetings.
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