The Assberry tree.

So there's this tree right outside my dorm building that smells like ass. Excuse my french, but it's the only way to give this horribly noxious odor proper explanation. So Heidi (my roommate) and I, neither of us botanists of any sort, began referring to this tree as the assberry tree, because the part of it that really smells are the berry looking things it drops.

Well, one day we were passing the assberry tree in the company of a very uptight science major, and I said something along the lines of 'the assberry tree smells especially ass-like today' or some other such comment laced with my trademark scathing wit. Well, this science major decided that by God it was her duty to educate me about that poor misunderstood smelly tree. The exchange went something like this:

*Note, when reading annoying science major's lines come up, make sure you imagine her talking in a very uptight, condescending tone. And when my lines come up, remember I was trying desperately not to laugh in this girl's face, and I am not very good at hiding my laughter.

Allison: "The assberry tree smells especially ass-like today."
Ginko Girl: "Actually, it's not called an assberry tree (like I thought that was it's scientific name!). It's a ginko tree."
Allison: "Oh. Well, it smells like ass." (College has made me more and more of a wise ass, I just can't control it anymore)
Ginko Girl: "And those aren't berries, they're leaves. Ginko leaves."
Allison: "Um, I'm no expert but I think they're actually nuts of some sort." (They were round and hard.)
Ginko Girl: "Yeah, it's lost all it's leaves." (Really Einstein? I couldn't tell from the bare branches!)


At this point ginko girl departed and Heidi and I proceded to laugh so hard we had to stop moving so we could breathe. We also re-enacted the incident about 1000 times.

Anyway, the saga continues. A couple days later, we happened to be walking past the assberry tree again (It's right in the middle of campus, there's really no avoiding it), and we happened to be with ginko girl and a couple other (more likable and decidedly more mellow) science majors. Being the smart ass that I am, I made a comment about the assberry tree as we passed (calling it the assberry tree of course). Heidi shot me this look like, 'are you nuts, that girl's gonna go off on you again ' and, sure enough, ginko girl decided to expound some more wisdom for the good of all man-kind. it went like this:

Ginko girl: "It's a ginko tree, a FEMALE ginko tree."
Heidi: "Why does the female have to smell like ass?" (and that's why we're roommates.)
Allison: "We're just screwed."
Ginko girl: "This one over here is a MALE ginko tree. See, no nuts." (I almost died right here, I'm a bit immature. Ginko girl must have understood why I was laughing - for once - and shot me a death look)
Allison: "Aw, how cute, a pair."
Ginko girl: "yeah, they used to have them all down this path, but they dropped their nuts on the sidewalk" (and I'm again dying of laughter)
Heidi: "I can see how that would be a problem."
Allison: "Yeah, I would totally transfer outta this place if the whole campus smelled like ass every fall." (at this point ginko girl gave me this perplexed look, as if she was wondering if I was the dumbest being on the planet for not realizing that the smell was not the 'real problem' - I found it pretty problematic - and because I insisted on repeatedly mentioning the fact that they smelled like ass.)

So the other science majors walking with us have apparently been listening since the part when Heidi asked why the female one has to smell like ass, because one of them (who will be referred to as goggle girl because she was wearing her goggles around after her lab class) chimed in with some wisdom of her own:

Goggle girl: "Well I guess the female has to attract the male" (last time I checked the trees weren't sneaking off when no one was looking and gettin' it on in the bushes)
Heidi: "The male is attracted to that scent!? It smells like ass!!" (best roommate ever.)
Goggle girl: "Well, think about it evolutionarily, like birds, the female has to be drab so she can blend in and hide her babies in the bushes." (and now I'm dying of laughter cause I'm picturing the assberry tree and a bunch of little mini assberry trees crouching behind a bush.) 
Heidi: "Well, with that lovely fragrance, I don't think any thing's gonna attack her."

At this point we had to slow down and let the gaggle of genius science majors go ahead because I was laughing too hard to walk. Plus I had to share the picture in my head with Heidi (in between laughing hysterically and gasping for air). Overall one of the funniest things that has happened here. Thank you assberry tree.

random tidbits

I saw an armadillo and a porcupine yesterday. 

-The Wildlife Defenders came to Keuka. They are a group of people with traumatic brain injuries (TBI's) who go to schools and stuff educating children (and college students :)) about exotic animals. You should definately check out their website (http://www.wildlife-defenders.org/index.html)

The bell is on time again (It used to be exactly 2 mins slow) and yesterday it played America the Beautiful in honor of veterans day.

Also, yesterday I had the privilege (please note the seething sarcasm) of sitting through a lecture entitled "The Challenges of Being White". 

My email gave me a wonderful recycling tip - used aluminum foil can make a wonderful hat. I am reasonably sure this was a serious suggestion. I'm sorry, but typically the people wearing tin foil hats around are those with paranoid schizophrenia who are trying to keep people from stealing their thoughts. Since I have  no thoughts worthy of stealing, I will have to decline this wonderful fashion tip.

I've decided to never study for my abnormal psych class again. For the first test, I did everything in advance, studied all the vocab terms, read the book, and even participated in a study group. I got a 91. By the time the second test rolled around, that 'omg it's a new school year' enthusiasm had waned, so I reverted back to my old 'I put the pro in procrastinator' habits and skimmed the book chapters, glanced at the vocab, and did the bare minimum to prepare for the essay portion. I got a 91. So for this last test, I did basically nothing. I didn't even open the book, didn't bother to even list the vocab terms, and chose and 'studied' for all of the 13 essay objectives the night before. I got a 93. This is why I made a horrible tutor.

The end. 

Deaf church

So a couple weeks ago I went to a Catholic church for the deaf with Heidi. I was really nervous because apparently it was in a shady part of town, plus I was afraid I wouldn't know what was going on, even though I'm Catholic and have probably been to a million Catholic masses in my life.

So we got there and sat down, and it was remarkably loud for a deaf church (not that I'd been to one before that, I just assumed it would be quieter...). For one, not everyone in the church was deaf, and I've found from my limited experience with deaf people that some of them make noises as they sign and mouth the words they are signing.

When the mass started, the priest, who was deaf, began telling a story about his recent medical ailments very animatedly (I know this because there was an interpreter with a microphone translating the mass for all us hearing people). His name was Ray, and he looked like a big teddy bear.

So anyway, everything was pretty normal, except all the responses were signed obviously. So I learned the sign for 'amen' pretty quickly. Everyone was very friendly (or as Heidi would say, conjugal) at the sign of peace, and by that I mean it literally took ten minutes. EVERYONE in the church got up and walked around and shook everyone's hand. it was crazy.

So, um, yeah, the end. :)

My laptop works!!!

My laptop works again! It's a miracle!!!

I cannot confirm or deny the rumor that the cause of my trouble was bubbles. No comment.

But if you ever do happen to spill a strange soapy (or not soapy) substance on your computer,wipe it up immediately, turn the computer upside down, and take out the battery. 

I did not do that.

One, I didn't know I was supposed to. 

Two, the soapy substance only got on the screen (I really don't know how that happened...I must have been talking with my hands like the Italian I am lol)

So like an idiot I just assumed nothing was wrong and kept facebooking.

The next day when I opened it up the light was blinking red. I had only seen it do that when the battery died, so I figured crap, better plug it in. So I did. 

Then the only way it would turn on was if it was plugged in. I figured my battery was shot.

So I let it sit on my dresser for a day and a half.

When I came back today I took the battery out and put it back in like 5 mins later, figuring it was a losing venture because the damage had most likely been done. 

I popped it back in and pressed the power button, expecting disappointment... but no! The computer gods must have been smiling down on me, because it turned on!

And now I'm writing about it on my newly revived laptop. The end.