The Assberry tree.

So there's this tree right outside my dorm building that smells like ass. Excuse my french, but it's the only way to give this horribly noxious odor proper explanation. So Heidi (my roommate) and I, neither of us botanists of any sort, began referring to this tree as the assberry tree, because the part of it that really smells are the berry looking things it drops.

Well, one day we were passing the assberry tree in the company of a very uptight science major, and I said something along the lines of 'the assberry tree smells especially ass-like today' or some other such comment laced with my trademark scathing wit. Well, this science major decided that by God it was her duty to educate me about that poor misunderstood smelly tree. The exchange went something like this:

*Note, when reading annoying science major's lines come up, make sure you imagine her talking in a very uptight, condescending tone. And when my lines come up, remember I was trying desperately not to laugh in this girl's face, and I am not very good at hiding my laughter.

Allison: "The assberry tree smells especially ass-like today."
Ginko Girl: "Actually, it's not called an assberry tree (like I thought that was it's scientific name!). It's a ginko tree."
Allison: "Oh. Well, it smells like ass." (College has made me more and more of a wise ass, I just can't control it anymore)
Ginko Girl: "And those aren't berries, they're leaves. Ginko leaves."
Allison: "Um, I'm no expert but I think they're actually nuts of some sort." (They were round and hard.)
Ginko Girl: "Yeah, it's lost all it's leaves." (Really Einstein? I couldn't tell from the bare branches!)


At this point ginko girl departed and Heidi and I proceded to laugh so hard we had to stop moving so we could breathe. We also re-enacted the incident about 1000 times.

Anyway, the saga continues. A couple days later, we happened to be walking past the assberry tree again (It's right in the middle of campus, there's really no avoiding it), and we happened to be with ginko girl and a couple other (more likable and decidedly more mellow) science majors. Being the smart ass that I am, I made a comment about the assberry tree as we passed (calling it the assberry tree of course). Heidi shot me this look like, 'are you nuts, that girl's gonna go off on you again ' and, sure enough, ginko girl decided to expound some more wisdom for the good of all man-kind. it went like this:

Ginko girl: "It's a ginko tree, a FEMALE ginko tree."
Heidi: "Why does the female have to smell like ass?" (and that's why we're roommates.)
Allison: "We're just screwed."
Ginko girl: "This one over here is a MALE ginko tree. See, no nuts." (I almost died right here, I'm a bit immature. Ginko girl must have understood why I was laughing - for once - and shot me a death look)
Allison: "Aw, how cute, a pair."
Ginko girl: "yeah, they used to have them all down this path, but they dropped their nuts on the sidewalk" (and I'm again dying of laughter)
Heidi: "I can see how that would be a problem."
Allison: "Yeah, I would totally transfer outta this place if the whole campus smelled like ass every fall." (at this point ginko girl gave me this perplexed look, as if she was wondering if I was the dumbest being on the planet for not realizing that the smell was not the 'real problem' - I found it pretty problematic - and because I insisted on repeatedly mentioning the fact that they smelled like ass.)

So the other science majors walking with us have apparently been listening since the part when Heidi asked why the female one has to smell like ass, because one of them (who will be referred to as goggle girl because she was wearing her goggles around after her lab class) chimed in with some wisdom of her own:

Goggle girl: "Well I guess the female has to attract the male" (last time I checked the trees weren't sneaking off when no one was looking and gettin' it on in the bushes)
Heidi: "The male is attracted to that scent!? It smells like ass!!" (best roommate ever.)
Goggle girl: "Well, think about it evolutionarily, like birds, the female has to be drab so she can blend in and hide her babies in the bushes." (and now I'm dying of laughter cause I'm picturing the assberry tree and a bunch of little mini assberry trees crouching behind a bush.) 
Heidi: "Well, with that lovely fragrance, I don't think any thing's gonna attack her."

At this point we had to slow down and let the gaggle of genius science majors go ahead because I was laughing too hard to walk. Plus I had to share the picture in my head with Heidi (in between laughing hysterically and gasping for air). Overall one of the funniest things that has happened here. Thank you assberry tree.