Creepy Mailman

Time for another creepy DD story!! I know how you like laughing at my awkward life :).

So there's this guy that comes in to DD every day. He orders at least a sandwich, a couple donuts, and a drink every day. As you might have surmised from that last sentence, he is a bit overweight.   In fact, (and yes, I know I am a horrible person for having such mean thoughts) when he told me he was a mailman I wondered how he fit in the truck. Yesterday I got to find out (insert sarcastic yay!).

 I was lounging around the house after work when my mom told me to get the mail. Gladly! It was B-e-a-utiful! So out the door I go and before my second foot hits the porch I can tell this is going to be awkward. I can't just grab the mail from the mailbox like a normal person because the mail truck is literally at the next house as I'm coming out the door and it's gonna get to my mailbox the same time I am. It's during this internal conflict where I'm trying to decide if it would be more awkward to turn around and go inside or talk to the mailman when I realize something awful...I recognize the mailman. Damn.

So now he's seen my awkwardly frozen with indecision on my porch, and he's recognized me, so I'm screwed. I bite the bullet and mosey on down to the mailbox.

'Heyyy you!' He says.

Shit.
"Hi, how are you?"

"I'm good. You're Allison, right?"

Shit. I knew I resisted that name tag for a reason.
"Yup."

"So this is your stomping ground?"

Well, I can't really say no at this point, can I?

"I was there this morning and I didn't see you!"

"I was in drive thru."

"oh." (he begins thumbing through my mail awkwardly...)
"Well it's about time I do something nice for you!" (implying that doing his job is extra nice)

In response to this I laugh super awkwardly.

"So how do you say your last name?" (still thumbing through my mail....I believe he is reading the fronts of them and I don't know what to do...)

"Uttaro."

"Ah. Well here ya go."

"Thanks"

"Yup. See ya."

"Have a nice day..."


This is my life.